“This is a call to arms. A call to be gentle, to be forgiving, to be generous with yourself. The next time you look into the mirror, try to let go of the story line that says you’re too fat or too sallow, too ashy or too old, your eyes are too small or your nose too big; just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgment, and that is the first step toward transforming your experience of the world.”—Oprah Winfrey (via monamade)
“Among those 33 rules is only one that Swanson says never fails: “A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person.” Swanson says he first noticed this in the 1970s when he was eating with a man who became “absolutely obnoxious” to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.
“Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with,” Swanson writes. “Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles.””—
“Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with,” Swanson writes. “Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles.”
This is bullshit. ALL of the ism’s are premised on this. Racism, sexism, agism, homphobia. All that shit.
In fact the isms work based on “seeing differences” and THEN saying, or SHIT you are a member of a marginalized group, fuck you and your momma ‘nem. ERM. no.
“You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.”—Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go! (via monamade)
“As the Buddhist master Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche once said about romance, “The problem is not that the right situations don’t arise. It’s not really that. But we always have a certain expectation, we have hopes and fears. And those lead to disappointments.””— from http://ht.ly/86b16
I did a post on Bitch called “Unicorns, Better Head and Other Myths” in which I briefly brought up the commonly-held belief that fat girls are better at blowjobs. Namely because they have such low self-esteem that they’re grateful for the opportunity to get anywhere near a dick, so they get really good at it. This myth is recognizably heterosexist and cissexist in that it refers solely to fat girls’ relationships with cis men’s penises. But since that’s the common usage, I’m going to talk specifically about the act of giving a cis guy a blowjob.
Blowjobs and I have a complicated relationship, and that has a lot to do with me being fat. See, I’m good at giving blowjobs. Really good. I make men stutter, I produce euphoria that lasts hours after I finish swallowing, I learn quickly and I love doing it. I’ll go down in an instant if I like someone, not because I’m trying to get guys to like me or really do much more for them–it’s because I like doing it, it gives me pleasure. For me it’s not really something I’m doing for their benefit until I have more of an emotional relationship with them. In fact, I tend to hold back on going down on guys for a few dates when I’m interested in a relationship. I haven’t been as vocal as I’d like to be about my love of giving blowjobs because I’m fat, and when fat chicks go down on a cis guy, they’re doing it because they’re desperate. Or emotionally damaged. Or seeking male attention. Whatever the reason, it’s never a positive one and it’s always related to fat being something you have to overcome when dating. So I’m reluctant to go ahead and fulfill that stereotype. It’s like how I want to make sure my hair doesn’t smell so people don’t think all black women’s hair is dirty. You know?
The “fat girls give better head” stereotype is of course fatphobic but is also inherently slut-shaming because it’s representing being proficient at a sex act as something negative.
”When Fat Chicks Give Better Head” by Tasha Fierce of the blog Sex and the Fat Girl (via newmodelminority
Glasper’s new opus is an admirable pastiche of original material and imaginative interpretations of tunes by David Bowie and Sade, a vocoder-laced version of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” and guest features from and impressive line up of soul stars (Lalah Hathaway, Erykah Badu, Meshell Ndegeocello), heavy spitters (Mos Def, Lupe Fiasco), and rookies (KING). Can’t wait till February? Here’s the track-by-track lowdown on this spectacular new album that should keep you till 2012:
“It is only too true that a lot of artists are mentally ill- it’s a life which, to put it mildly, makes one an outsider. I’m all right when I completely immerse myself in work, but I’ll always remain half crazy.”—
But Black women’s bodies have always been tied to national narratives about the family, and as major social shifts have happened, Black women and their romantic and sexual practices are frequently blamed for our national decline. Take two examples:
* During slavery, we birthed slaves, and our allegedly insatiable sexual appetites caused white men to be unfaithful to their wives.
* Today, poor Black mothers who need welfare are considered a drain on the social system, precisely because of the same practice that generated so much wealth for the nation: childbirth.
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the…
“Now, feeling the kind of euphoria that can overtake you at this time of day, at this temperature, at this level of breeze, after one drink, when the person beside you is making you alert and keen and the idea of being with anyone else is not imaginable…”—
If I had to name one quality as the genius of patriarchy, it would be compartmentalization, the capacity for institutionalizing disconnection. Intellect severed from emotion. Thought separated from action. Science split from art. The earth itself divided; national borders. Human beings categorized: by sex, age, race, ethnicity, sexual preference, height, weight, class, religion, physical ability, ad nauseum. The personal isolated from the political. Sex divorced from love. The material ruptured from the spiritual. The past parted from the present disjointed from the future. Law detached from justice. Vision dissociated from reality.
(this is what happens when we fail to recognize our duality, or ying and yang, and make intuitive things “feminine”, and cognitive things “masculine”. We stay losing.)
“YAY!: Safe sex (or even just orgasm alone) is good for you. Benefits include lowering your risk of heart disease and stroke, reducing your risk of breast cancer, bolstering your immune system, helping you sleep, making you appear more youthful, improving your fitness, regulating menstrual cycles, relieving menstrual cramps, helping with chronic pain, reducing the risk of depression, lowering stress levels, and improving self esteem. So go at it, girlfriends!”—
Lissa Rankin, M.D. other fun (and not so fun) facts here
“Love isn’t supposed to be fearful. Love means accepting a person, flaws and all. But it’s also about mutual respect for each other. It’s about fully appreciating a person without trying to change them. It’s about free will.”— Alesha Chilton http://tinybuddha.com/blog/you-are-good-enough-and-you-deserve-the-best/